"For others who may not know this: When the preacher says, "You may now kiss the bride," he's only speaking to the groom." - David Gunter
"If you're being chased by a police dog, try not to go through a tunnel, then on to a little seesaw, then jump through a hoop of fire - they're trained for that." - Milton Jones
My mom said she learned how to swim when someone took her out in the lake and threw her off the boat. I said, "Mom, they weren't trying to teach you how to swim." - Paula Poundstone
