"Take your hands off the car, and I'll make your birth certificate a
worthless document."
"If you run, you'll only go to jail tired."
"Can you run faster than 1,200 feet per second? In case you didn't know,
that is the average speed of a 9 mm bullet fired from my gun."
"So you don't know how fast you were going. I guess that means I can
write anything I want on the ticket, huh?"
"Warning? You want a warning? O.K., I'm warning you not to do that again
or I'll give you another ticket."
"The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk
or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?"
"Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster
oven."
"Just how big were those two beers?"
"No sir, we don't have quotas anymore. We used to have quotas, but now
we're allowed to write as many tickets as we want."
"I'm glad to hear the Chief of Police is a good personal friend of
yours. At least you know someone who can post your bail."
"In God we trust, all others are suspects."
