Santa Claus is a woman because:
- The vast majorities of men don't even think about selecting gifts until Christmas Eve and only go for a last-minute shopping spree.
- For a he-Santa, there would be no reindeer because they would all be dead, gutted and strapped on to the rear bumper of the sleigh.
- Even if the male Santa did have reindeer, he would inevitably get lost up there in the snow and clouds and then refuse to stop and ask for directions.
- For a Santa man, there would be unavoidable delays in the chimney, where the Bob Vila-like Santa would stop to inspect and repaint bricks in the flue.
- He would also need to check for carbon monoxide fumes in every gas fireplace, and get under every Christmas tree that is crooked to straighten it to a perfectly upright 90-degree angle.
- Men can't pack a bag.
- Men would rather be dead than caught wearing red velvet.
- Men would feel their masculinity is threatened...having to be seen with all those elves.
- Men don't answer their mail.
- Men would refuse to allow their physique to be described even in jest as anything remotely resembling a "bowlful of jelly."
- Men aren't interested in stockings unless somebody's wearing them.
- Having to do the 'Ho Ho Ho' thing would seriously inhibit their ability to pick up women.
- Finally, being responsible for Christmas would require a commitment.
Santa is certainly a Man!
Santa Claus is undoubtedly a man because:
- Santa doesn't deliver his presents on The Friday after Thanksgiving when the malls are open for 20 hours. Christmas Eve deliveries prove Mr. Claus to be a man.
- Santa's reindeer is so drunk that his nose glows as his navigator. A woman would never let out those cute deer to work on Christmas Eve that too in cold and perhaps would dress them in sweaters and booties.
- Only a male Santa can ignore 'fashion' and wear the same suit for 500 years.
- Santa has never been known to answer a letter.
- Women aren't interested in stockings unless someone better looking than them is wearing them.
- As many presents as Santa delivers he has no trouble with babes.
- Only men have the ability to stay up for 24 hours straight in the cold with a bunch of mangy deer and going up and down soot-infested chimneys.
- A woman would never even think of going down a chimney and risk staining that red velvet.
- Commitment requires that Christmas be on the same day each year. A female Santa would delay Christmas until she can touch-up her makeup and do her hair after leaving each house.
