What to Say When You Get a REALLY Bad Gift

• Now that's a gift.
• Wow! You sure surprised me.
• I never would have guessed.
• If I hadn't gained all that weight this would have fit.
• If the dog buries it, I'll be furious!
• I love it--but I fear the jealousy it will inspire.
• Unfortunately, tomorrow I enter the Federal Witness Protection Program.
• I really don't deserve this.
• And to think I got this the first year I vowed to give all my gifts to charity.
• I hope this never catches fire. There have been a lot of unexplained fires around here.
• I couldn't bear to have anything happen to this so I am going to pack it away safely in the basement.